Your brain is a network of maps. When we struggle to recall information from one of those maps, our threat circuitry kicks in, overloading the prefrontal cortex. The result? Our primal brain takes over, and we often shut down or say or do something we regret【1】.
Ever been that person? I have.
It’s okay—it’s completely human. Our brains crave consistency and resist change. Research shows that uncertainty activates the same brain regions as physical pain【2】. The language we use daily plays a crucial role in whether we trigger a threat response, leading to defensiveness and disengagement, or a performance response, leading to curiosity and alignment, allowing us to build trust and get more done together.
I’ve heard this from many leaders who have embraced DX's simple playbook CARE (Clarity, Autonomy, Relationships, and Equity) as the foundation for their leadership language:
"Alex, what used to be a tense conversation that could lead to long-term frustration or conflict now turns into an upfront constructive debate. Having a shared language like CARE helps diffuse potential disagreements and turn them into opportunities for collaboration and continuous improvement."
And the science backs it up:
When teams have a shared vocabulary, they are more likely to speak up, allowing us to do more of what works and less of what does not. Silence is a culture killer, and we must remove the fear in teams so that people can do their best work and be their best selves. This is how a shared vocabulary can play out.
Clarity - Aligning others by fully communicating expectations and creating a shared understanding of success.
Instead of: "How am I supposed to figure out what to do with this email?" …or worse, saying nothing and feeling frustrated.
Try: "Your email didn’t provide enough clarity for me to be successful. Can we align on expectations?"
When we both understand clarity, communication becomes a simple data transfer—free from bias, assumption, or frustration.
🔹 The Data: Employees who experience clear expectations are 2.7 times more likely to be engaged at work, according to Gallup【6】.
Autonomy - Intentionally distributing and empowering appropriate ownership and self-direction.
Instead of: "Stop micromanaging me." …or saying nothing and letting resentment build.
Try: "I’d appreciate more autonomy here—I have the experience to handle this without additional oversight."
Trust deepens, and performance improves when autonomy is clearly defined and respected.
🔹 The Data: A study in the Journal of Organizational Behavior found that autonomy is the single strongest predictor of job satisfaction, with employees experiencing greater motivation and lower turnover【7】.
Relationships - Cultivating unique connections between individuals which encourage candor, trust, and collaboration.
Instead of: "Stop asking me to do this." …or saying nothing and disengaging.
Try: "I need more time to build our working relationship. It feels like we’re misaligned on how to leverage my strengths and motivations."
We minimize misunderstandings and emotional reactions when we share a standard cognitive map.
🔹 The Data: Studies from MIT Sloan show that employees in organizations with high-quality relationships report 47% greater job satisfaction and significantly higher retention rates【8】
Equity - Adapting your support based on each person's unique needs.
Instead of: "Why does one team always get the best projects?" …or saying nothing and feeling undervalued.
Try: "I want to ensure that opportunities are distributed fairly so everyone can contribute to their full potential; what can we do to help?"
Equity ensures that resources—whether opportunities, recognition, or support—are allocated based on individual needs rather than one-size-fits-all approaches.
🔹 The Data: Research by Gartner found that organizations with strong equity-focused leadership see 23% higher employee performance and 50% lower attrition rates【9】.
Nothing has changed in 300,000 years—we’ve just swapped saber-toothed tigers for bosses. If you don’t want your team to see you as a threat, get aligned and on the same page versus different chapters or, even worse, different books. Use language that fosters curiosity, trust, and engagement rather than confusion and fear.
That’s precisely what Madison Air did at the Nortek Air Solutions Tualatin plant—with award-winning success (Brandon Hall HCM Gold award for innovation in Learning & Development). Over 12 months, they engaged everyone from top to bottom in CARE, from an Executive Offsite for the leadership team to supervisory training and town halls for the frontline staff. The language lives on today with a CARE committee that keeps the momentum going.
ROI from the Nortek Case Study:
Krystal Cagle, HR Manager at Nortek Tualatin, noted, "The CARE playbook and training were a key part of shifting the culture. We created a ‘CARE Team’—an employee-led group that meets monthly—giving employees a voice and reinforcing the leadership behaviors that drive continuous improvement."
Final Thought: Choose Words That Drive Performance
Language matters. Every conversation is an opportunity to build—or break—trust. Choose words that create clarity, autonomy, relationships, and equity, and watch your team and culture transform. The language we use and the questions we ask are the keys to performance and engagement and what we call CARE to Win: https://alex-draper.com.dx-learning.com/
Appendix: Research & Citations